The Unspeakable Shame of Being a Cowboys Fan

A lot of things can be embarrassing to admit, such as enjoying the cheesy musical stylings of ABBA (hypothetically speaking, of course – I admit NOTHING).  Other things are bad enough to cause significant guilt, like being unable to eat anything less than an entire full-sized magazine of Ritz crackers in a single sitting (OK, I’ll cop to that one).  But only the most atrocious things lead to such extreme shame they dare not even be spoken, which is why I am not reading this blog entry aloud.  You see, I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, and it’s gotten to the point I’d almost feel less shame testing Chanel No. 5 on infant porpoises.

I could handle it if the Cowboys were a talentless lot pulling up the rear of the NFC, like Tampa Bay.  But after watching their disgusting performance (or lack thereof) today against the Chargers, I can’t help but fight off the dry heaves that ensue every time I think back on how absolutely gutless and heartless it was to see them lay down and let San Diego march right in for the winning touchdown a mere two plays after seeing their fallen brother, DeMarcus Ware, lying motionless on the field for what seemed like forever.  Having no talent would be understandable.  But having no guts and no heart is absolutely unforgivable!

And the other thing about this collection of players (at this point, let’s be honest – they have absolutely forfeited the right to be called a team), not to mention their so-called coaches, is the complete and total lack of anything even remotely resembling accountability.  All week we kept hearing indictment after indictment by teammates and coaches alike against Mat McBriar.  They can’t show unity on the field, but they sure as hell can when facing the press blaming all their woes on the supposedly inept holding skills of THEIR PUNTER.  So, they instead force their starting QB into the most uncomfortable situation possible by having him relive the demons that almost doomed his fledgling career in Seattle.  It’s all in the best interest of the team, though, right?  After all, the holder was the problem, not the kicker, right?  WRONG!!!  Nick Folk is the problem, as is the suffocatingly protective culture of non-accountability that permeates Valley Ranch.

This team won’t rally around a fallen DeMarcus Ware, but they WILL rally AGAINST such real culprits like Mat McBriar and STEVE DENNIS!!!  The holder isn’t the bogeyman, and neither is the one reporter in this market who’s not a bigger wussy than the majority of the players on the team he is cursed to cover.  The same team we are cursed to root for, December after December.  And whenever we have to admit we are Cowboy fans to those supporting any other team in the league (even the LIONS, for crying out loud), all we can do is hang our head in shame and endure the endless laughs and insults of those with the good fortune to support any of the other 31 teams in the NFL.

Yes, we’ve won five Super Bowls, have the greatest stadium in the professional sports world, and a own tremendous legacy from 1960-96.  But we couldn’t be more of a laughingstock right now if our uniforms had “Chico’s Bail Bonds” on the back.  Fair weather fans give up on their team and start rooting for a winner.  I’m not a fair weather fan, so I don’t have the luxury of jumping ship.  I can do nothing but sit by idly and continue to suffer watching the Cowboys piss away another season on a wave of gutlessness, heartlessness and finger pointing.