LOST Thoughts: Lighthouse
- Somebody call Casey Kasem and send Jack a Long Distance Dedication of “Cat’s in the Cradle.”
- “Hey, Claire, we’re really sorry about abducting you and branding you and just generally being such jerks. Whaddya say let’s bury the hatchet?”
- Jin’s English has gotten so good, he’s actually started doing impressions. I particularly enjoyed his Tommy Flanagan: “Yeah, Kate took your baby, Claire. No, wait, it was…MORGAN FAIRCHILD…yeah, that’s the ticket!”
- I would have given anything for Jin to pull an Elaine Benes right there and tell Claire, “MAYBE THE DINGO ATE YOUR BABY!”
- Miles kinda sucks at Tic Tac Toe. C’mon, dude – you’re playing Hurley, not Kasparov!
- Maybe it should have occurred to the almighty and all-knowing Jacob that in addition to a pen, he probably should have also asked Hurley to grab some paper so he wouldn’t have to write on his constantly sweating hamhock of a forearm.
- Not sure exactly what Samurai Pharmacist said to Hurley after their whole, “Go back to the courtyard.” “No, why don’t YOU go back to the courtyard.” exchange, but I’m guessing it was probably something along the lines of “well played, fat man.”
- What the hell was that in Claire’s bassinet?!? It looked like the skeletal remains of a pygmy javelina or something.
- I got a kick out of Kate’s cameo in this episode: “OMG JACK I ALMOST SHOT YOU LOL!”
- Jack’s Mom is a real piece of work, isn’t she? “Dammit, Jack, why couldn’t your father leave the will with his lawye–ooh, here’s a crapload of scotch, want some???”
LOST Thoughts: The Substitute
- SMOKE MONSTER CAM!!!
- Did you happen to notice that Sawyer was listening to “Search and Destroy” by The Stooges when The Locke-ness Monster (stole that one from Doc Jensen over at EW.com) stopped by on his recruiting trip? Very subtle, Lost writers!
- While I would have expected to see more Hurley in an episode aired on Fat Tuesday, having Ilana scoop Jacob’s remains into a Crown Royal bag certainly was a clever nod to Ash Wednesday.
- Rose isn’t gonna let terminal cancer keep her from living life to the fullest…by managing a temp agency! YOU GO, GIRL!!!
- I thought it was very odd that Peg Bundy wanted to invite Locke’s dad to their wedding. He must have not pushed Locke out that window in this re-booted world. I’ll bet it was that douche Randy!
- Hey, Richard Alpert…that hammock does NOT look comfortable!
- What was up with that random kid in the jungle? The last time I saw a boy that age dressed like that on a magical island, he had a talking flute in his mouth.
- Sorry, Locke, but you can’t really expect me to believe that you prefer that light green fabric swatch over the dark green fabric swatch. DON’T TELL ME WHAT I CAN’T DO!
- Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by all of the complex imagery and symbolism that permeates Lost. I mean, it will probably take me YEARS to figure out what was meant by having a black rock and a white rock balancing on a scale. I’m afraid I just don’t get The Locke-ness Monster’s “inside joke.” C’mon, Lost writers, give us something to work with here!
- I don’t know about you, but when I saw Ben Linus as a school teacher, I immediately thought “SPINOFF!” They could call it “To Surly, With Love.”
LOST Thoughts: What Kate Does
- Where exactly did Sawyer manage to find a Zales on the island? Was it on the other side of the food court?
- Hey, Kate…next time you’re in the midst of one of your frequent fleeing fugitive situations, you might want to go one step further than just changing your clothes and consider DITCHING THE STOLEN TAXI. I’m just sayin’.
- I wonder if my HMO will let me switch my prescriptions from Walgreen’s over to Samurai Pharmacist. Sure, they’d all be poisoned, but there’s never a line at the pick-up counter.
- Speaking of deadly medicine, has there ever been a creepier obstetrician than Dr. Ethan Goodspeed?
- It’s always weird to see Mac from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” as one of The Others. I keep expecting Green Man to leap out of the jungle. Next week, I’m going to look closely at the people in the background during scenes at The Temple to see if maybe The McPoyles are lurking in the background.
- And while on the subject of people from other shows, I just realized that the translator guy is the older brother from “Eastbound and Down.” I wonder if the scene with Samurai Pharmacist spinning a baseball was some sort of homage to Kenny Powers.
- I’m not saying Jin’s English has made an implausible leap in quality, but he’s gone from Long Duk Dong to Gary Owens in about 1/1000th of the time it’s taken Antonio Banderas to go from El Mariachi to The Nasonex Bee.
- I’m also impressed by how quickly (at least within the hour of this episode) Claire went from hysterical cabjacking victim to Lee Harvey Oswald. Nice aim!
- I’ll bet Sayid would rather get jabbed with a hot poker than be stuck on the island. Um…
- Note to recently abandoned wives in the midst of a pending adoption: DON’T FORGET TO CALL AND CANCEL YOUR SURROGATE!
LOST Thoughts: LA X
- Hey, Rose and Bernard…GET A ROOM!
- Maybe they could have joined the Mile High Club, if not for Charlie choking on a lovely heroin balloon.
- Is there a doctor on the plane??? Well, the living one is, but his dead daddy’s casket has become lost luggage. That’s why Jack should have just cremated Christian and stuffed his ashes into the overhead compartment. Never take more than you can fit in a carry-on!
- If do-over Hurley’s really the luckiest man in the world, how do you explain his having to endure a seemingly endless and extremely annoying mid-flight small talk session with an obnoxiously relentless Arzt? I’d have probably jumped out of the plane right then and there.
- The most baffling thing to me about the do-over flight was the presence of Desmond. He was already on the island manning the Commodore 64 and jamming to Mama Cass long before Oceanic 815 crashed, so how did he end up on the do-over flight???
- Somebody tell The Temple’s maintenance man that it probably wouldn’t hurt to sprinkle a little chlorine into the hot tub of eternal life. It looked like maybe Tub Girl had just gone in for a dip. (If you don’t know who Tub Girl is, do yourself a favor and DO NOT look it up!)
- Jack is the Lucy to the football that is Sawyer’s love life, which would make Sawyer the Charlie Brown of this excruciating metaphor. It kind of makes me giggle to imagine Sawyer saying “Good Grief” or “Rats,” though not as much as picturing him in that yellow shirt with the jagged brown stripe.
- Well, we know know what – actually who – the Smoke Monster is, though not by name. He’s apparently the so-called “Man in Black” (the anti-Jacob), who’s taken to wearing an extremely convincing Locke costume. I have a hunch, far-fetched as it may seem, that he’s not the world’s biggest fan of Richard Alpert…unless a knee to the face is some sort of ancient expression of affection on the island that we’re just not privy to as of yet.
- As for the entity many online have labeled “Flocke” (as in Fake Locke), I have a theory that he just might be what brought Sayid back to life, since the doo-doo hot tub didn’t seem to do the trick. Think about it: it took the Temple leaders so long to find out that Jacob had been killed, they might not have put down the ash fast enough to keep “Flocke” from sneaking in and inhabiting the seemingly deceased Mr. Jarrah.
- And lastly, what’s the deal with the island being on the ocean floor? Is it on some sort of gigantic hydraulic lift, like at Jiffy Lube, where whenever the island “disappaears” (like back when Ben turned the frozen donkey wheel) it’s actually just quickly plunged to the bottom of the ocean until it’s safe to be raised to the surface again. Or is it…ATLANTIS???
Cowboys Have No Answers and Neither Do We
For one glorious week, we all thought the years of suffering had finally ended. But it only took three hours in Minneapolis for it all to come crashing back to Earth with a massive thud.
The 13-year drought of playoff wins may have ended, but it’s still been 14 years (and counting) since a Super Bowl. Wade and Romo finally won a playoff game, but how long will they remain stuck on just one playoff win?
At the end of each season, with the burning sting of disappointment still fraying our nerves, Cowboy fans desperately seek answers to fix what went wrong. Many want to fire the coach. Others want a different quarterback. Just about everyone wants someone – anyone else to be GM.
But every year, our pleas are ignored and history eventually has no choice but to repeat itself once more. You know that trite saying about the definition of insanity doesn’t seem so trite this time of year.
There will probably be a tweak here and a tweak there, but nothing of any significance – nothing that will actually result in the season ending in anything more than yet another bitterly disappointing playoff loss.
We foolishly thought it was different this time. There was no December swoon. Romo finally learned how to protect the ball down the stretch. Mr. Fix-It finally fixed the perpetually underachieving defense. The planets had finally aligned.
Yeah, not so much.
December was a mirage generated by an inordinate number of games against tanking divisional foes. Romo saved a month’s worth of lax ball security for one disastrous game. And Wade’s supposed extreme makeover of his defense into Doomsday 3.0 was nothing more than fool’s gold.
So, where does that leave the Cowboys? They’re certainly not a bad team. In fact, they’ll probably make the playoffs again next year. And when looking at their roster, it doesn’t reveal any glaring weaknesses – other than at kicker. They got rid of all the malcontents and locker room cancer, even bringing in the type of natural-born leaders they’ve lacked so long.
There simply aren’t any easy answers. We all think we know what’s wrong and how to fix it, but that’s just not the case. Jerry doesn’t know. Stephen doesn’t know. I don’t know. You don’t know.
And not knowing is what makes this so hard. There’s nothing we can cling to as a glimmer of hope for the future – nothing that will lead to this team finally getting over the hump once and for all.
We have nothing whatsoever to feel good about going into next season, other than we’re not the Rams or Lions or Bills. Of course, if we were one of those teams, at least we’d have a high draft pick.
The reality of the situation is we’re in about as difficult a spot as a team can be – not bad enough to blow it up and start over, but not good enough to expect progress with the existing cast of characters. It’s true NFL limbo, and it sucks…hard.
The Cowboys don’t have any answers. They’ll be back again next season trying again. As fans, we also don’t have any answers. We’ll get over the disappointment and unwittingly get lured back into the false promise and unrealistic expectations that come with each new season.
And so the vicious cycle continues…
Nailing The Triple Lindy 