Fun with Red Dawn
Not too long ago, I saw the trailer for an upcoming remake of that ’80s Cold War classic known as Red Dawn. This new version doesn’t boast quite the same level of starpower as the original, with such big names as Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen being replaced by the likes of Tom Cruise’s adopted son, Miley Cyrus’ brother-in-law-to-be, and the (formerly) fat kid from TV’s Drake & Josh.
So to properly prepare my stepkids for the new version, I found the original on Netflix and held an exclusive living room screening for them. They managed to maintain a mild interest until one scene in particular finally got their attention. It was the scene where Swayze, Sheen and future “Soul Man” C. Thomas Howell come back into town from their hideout in the mountains looking to replenish their supplies. Shortly after they arrive at old man Ben Johnson’s house, he asks them to look after his “heirlooms,” which he then reveals to be his granddaughters under a secret trap door in the floor.
One of the granddaughters Swayze and Co. were asked to protect was played by none other than Jennifer Grey, which was my cue to immediately turn to my wife and say, “NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A CRAWL SPACE!” Both she and my stepkids were so amused and delighted by that line, they made me an honorary Wolverine right there on the spot. I can’t WAIT for the remake…
The Top 10 Characters Currently on TV
With the new Fall TV season fast approaching, I thought it would be a good time to rank my top 10 favorite characters featured in shows currently airing on television. And by “currently airing,” I’m not including shows in syndication only airing reruns. In order to be eligible for consideration on my list, the show has to still be actively in production.
Not every character on this list is the lead character of their respective show – in fact, some are merely recurring characters who might not even appear in ever episode. However, there are also some who are their show’s protagonist (or possibly even antagonist). These 10 characters cover a pretty wide spectrum of roles and types. Some are comedic, some are tragic, and one is even animated.
I’m sure many of you will have strong opinions about this list, one way or the other, so please feel free to post them in the comments. You might even be able to convince me of a glaring omission or two. Just like TV, this is intended to be fun and entertaining, so enjoy! Here’s the top 10…
With its focus on biker gang culture, Sons of Anarchy is overflowing with colorful characters, but the one who fascinates me the most is the extremely volatile Tig Trager (expertly played by Kim Coates). He’s the classic loose cannon, whose hair-trigger temper is often augmented with acerbic wit. No other member of SAMCRO cracks as many jokes or skulls as Tig, which is why I tune in every episode to see his shenanigans.
It could be argued (and it will, by me) that the hilariously bizarre contributions of Chris Elliott were a major reason that Late Night with David Letterman was the most revered talk show of the ’80s (and still among the funniest ever). Elliott brought that same offbeat sensibility to the overgrown paperboy he played in FOX’s cult hit from the ’90s, Get a Life, and he brings it once again to Adult Swim’s Eagleheart as Marshal Chris Monsanto. Each 15-minute installment has an amazing amount of the insane antics Elliott fans have come to love and expect over the years. It’s great to see him back in the saddle, after more than a decade relegated to thankless supporting roles (like Robert Barone’s brother-in-law on Everybody Loves Raymond). He deserved better, and so did we.
While not the focal point of HBO’s classic series The Wire (considered one of the best ever by many, including me), Wendell Pierce’s Bunk Moreland was in many ways that show’s heart and soul. He brings that same irresistable charm to HBO’s latest David Simon creation, the post-Katrina tale of New Orleans known as Treme. As hustling trombonist Antoine Batiste, Pierce again draws you in with his powerful charisma. Like Bunk, Antoine manages to be a lovable reprobate you can’t help but root for, in spite of his many flaws. In a series featuring so many outstanding performances, his just might be the best.
The TV sitcom dad is one of the oldest character types on television. Over the years, we’ve seen TV dads played with gravitas (My Three Sons‘ Steve Douglas and Leave It To Beaver‘s Ward Cleaver), resignation (Married With Children‘s Al Bundy and All in the Family‘s Archie Bunker) and even an unhinged sense of whimsy (Homer Simpson and Home Improvement‘s Tim Taylor). Modern Family‘s Phil Dunphy (brilliantly inhabited by Ty Burrell) cleary belongs in the latter category. And while he doesn’t reinvent the archetype, few have ever really nailed the “dad who wants to be his kids’ best friend” (and who’s really an overgrown kid himself) like Burrell. Even fewer have made me laugh harder than Phil.
Every secret agent needs someone to invent and design his gadgets. James Bond had the mysterious “Q,” and FX’s Sterling Archer has the equally-mysterious (and briefly-named) “Krieger.” Nobody really knows many details about exactly who he is or where he came from, but this resident mad scientist of ISIS creates as many laughs as he does spy tools. He’s obsessed with Canadian power trio Rush (demonstrating his devotion by driving a van bearing a mural that re-creates the cover of their Caress of Steel album) and has a holographic Anime bride. Lucky Yates does a fantastic job of bringing to life this incredible amalgam of every Comic Con stereotype ever.
Like Jerry Seinfeld before him, Louis C.K. plays an exaggerated version of his real-life persona in his pseudo-autobiographic show Louie. However, unlike Seinfeld (the person), C.K. can really act. His character is filled with equal parts angst, inquisitiveness, weariness, compassion and selfishness. Somehow, C.K. manages to simultaneous care about everyone and only himself. Also unlike Seinfeld (this time, the show), Louie is painted on a much broader canvas than comedy. Many vignettes are poignant, with some even reaching the level of full-on heartbreaking. There’s never really been anything on TV quite like it, and for that, C.K. is to be saluted.
While Don Draper is clearly the alpha male of AMC’s period drama Mad Men, nobody more thoroughly embodies the workplace hedonism of 1960s Madison Avenue than John Slattery’s wisecracking entitled lout Roger Sterling. Though the show is unquestionably a drama, which skews intense and even maudlin at times, Sterling masterfully provides a steady dose of much-needed comic relief throughout. It would still be a good show without him, but he makes it great.
In my opinion, Breaking Bad is the best show on television right now, and could eventually end up being considered among the greatest shows ever. Both Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul have won Emmys for their outstanding performances during this show’s run, and while I greatly appreciate their respective characters (Walter White and Jesse Pinkman), my personal favorite is the “cleaner” named Mike Ehrmantraut (flawlessly delivered by Jonathan Banks). Banks has paid his dues for decades in a seemingly endless litany of tough guy roles, but this truly is the role of his career. His calculated intensity is expertly punctuated with a sprinkling of wit drier than the desert in which his show takes place. Every scene he’s in is an absolute thrill to watch.
Few, if any, characters in the history of television have more eloquently displayed pathos like the tragic World War I veteran Richard Harrow of HBO’s Prohibition-era drama Boardwalk Empire. Left with only half a face, due to a catastrophic war injury, the partially-masked Harrow (played to perfection by Jack Huston) manages to evoke nearly every possible human emotion without being able to speak more than a few semi-intelligible grunted sentences per episode. It’s truly an amazing display of acting.
Every so often, a truly iconic TV character comes along – a character so beloved that he becomes part of the pop culture zeitgeist. Ron Swanson of NBC’s Parks & Recreation is just such a character. Sporting the most recognizable and revered moustache on TV since Magnum hung up his Tigers cap, Nick Offerman’s Swanson is the hilarious embodiment of a man’s man who’s sworn to a life of rugged individualism. He is, in my opinion, the greatest character on TV today.
0 to 60 in 102 Days
On March 18, I weighed 362 pounds. Today, I weigh 302. I’m not exactly DJ Qualls yet, but I’m headed in the right direction, having lost 60 pounds so far. (I did the math, so you don’t have to. Never let it be said that this isn’t a full-service blog.)
Yeah, I know 302 still sounds ridiculously overweight, but keep in mind I’m 6’5″ and “big boned” as they say. When I eventually reach my initial target weight of 275, I’ll actually look reasonably fit. If I ever make it to my ultimate target weight of 250, I’ll appear damn near emaciated. It’s something of an optical illusion, but it’s just how a guy with my frame looks.
But as excited as I am about losing 60 pounds, I’ll be even more thrilled once that first number drops from a 3 to a 2. Only three more pounds to go (actually, 2.1, to be exact)! Hopefully, the next three months of non-stop triple-digit temperatures will keep my appetite suppressed long enough to reach my remaining goals. Bring on the heat, Mother Nature!
Shoutout to Shutdown Inning
I recently started contributing to a Texas Rangers blog called “Shutdown Inning,” thanks in large part to the folks who run that site being so generously willing to allow an unproven baseball writer like myself the opportunity to give it a try. I just turned in my second offering, a piece called “Feldman’s Fatal Flaw.” If you have a chance, check it out. They’ve got an excellent stable of writers on staff over there, so don’t hold it against them for letting me sully their fine site with my intermittently coherent scrawlings.
As for those scrawlings, I’ve added them to my writing archives here at https://bobhasablog.com/in-print/online/, as well.
The Big 5-0 (lbs.)
I felt it necessary to clarify the quantity I referenced in the title of this entry, simply because my age has advanced to the point where I’m close enough for people to actually think I’ve turned a half-century old. Well, my birthday’s still a few months away, and that particular milestone is still a few years away (though fewer than I’d like).
The 50 I’m happily commemorating today is the number of pounds I’ve lost since undertaking a change in eating and exercise habits on March 18. Whenever someone congratulates me, I’m quick to try and deflect any credit by pointing out that I had so much to lose in the first place. But, I do realize that no matter how big I was when this started (somewhere between chubby and needing a wrecking ball to take out a wall before leaving home), this is an accomplishment worth celebrating.
That won’t involve a celebratory smorgasbord, of course, but maybe I’ll add an extra drop or two of fat-free ranch to my salad at lunch today…
Nailing The Triple Lindy 
